wednesday 9/9/09
such perfect numbers but unfortunately not so perfect day for me.
i was awake around 1 in the afternoon. ga tau tb2 feeling ga enak ato gmn. bawaannya parno kalo dpt bbm dr bonyok. takut dpt brita yg ga d inginkan. dan akhirnya berita it dateng juga.
gw baru bangun. baru nyalain laptop. lg enak2 dgrin boys like girls. tiba2 stgh 2an, bokap bbm. gw tanya knp?. trs bokap bilang. sblmnya prasaan gw ga enak. jem segini brarti waktu2 subuh d indo. ngapain bokap bbm subuh2. trs bis tu bokap bilang. "michelle.. ur grandpa just passed away at 3.30 am". suddenly gw diem. gw yg "what?.."
gw ga yg kyk lgs histeris yg kayak d film2 sinetron dll dst itu. gw kyk tau, i knew this is going to happen after all. tp waktu ga gw expect bgt. i know yangkung ud tua ud parah sakitnya. tp gw kira gw masi bisa ngeliat dy. at least for the last time.
gw reply k bokap, "im sorry to hear that dad". secara gw ga tau mo ngomong ap. tb2 gw kyk terbungkam 1000 bahasa. ga bs mikir apa2. langsung stop gt dunia. lemot bgt deh gw. after bbman sesaat sm bokap. tb2 nyokap telp. dy kasi kabar itu, trs gw blg gw ud tau dr bokap. gw pas nyokap telp, suara dy kyk yg berusaha d tegar2in gt. tp kayaknya lg ribet ngurusin sana sini jd tar dy blg mo d telp lg.
after nyokap telpon, baru gw berbombay ria. gw masi kyk ga percaya gt yangkung gw dah ga ad. gw dr yg dgrin lagu keras2 lgs gw ganti dgrin yg rada slow-an dikit. gw sediiiihhhhh karena yangkung ud passed away. gw sediiiihh karna gw ga bs d situ pas dy pergi. gw sediiiihh ga bs turut berpartisipasi sama keluarga yg laen gr2 gw jauh d amrik. gw sediiiiih gw ga bs balik karena skola seminggu lg plus tiket pswt mahal banget.
seharian ini ud ga tau gw nangis brp kali n brp lama. kalo lg keingetan, pasti tiba2 nangis. trkhr gw ngomong sm yangkung pas sblm dy mo operasi buat ususnya which is like a few weeks ago i think. suaranya lemaah sblm dy mo operasi it. gw trakhir ktemu dy jg pas farewell gw sblm cabut k sini. tp kpn it smpt skype-an jg sih. tp itu uda laaaama gt sih. sampe skrg gw nulis ini post, gw masi sedih ngingetnya. mata gw dah kering smua kali ini beleknya.
tadi jg nyokap telp lg buat gw ngomong sm yangti n tante gw. gw sedih lagi pas ngomong sm mreka. soalnya mreka kan yg paling deket sm yangkung secara yangti istrinya trs tante gw yg ini tu yg paling bontot d keluarga. pas ngomong sm yangti gw sedih soalnya dy blg katanya yangkung tu sayang bgt sm gw, dy pengen bisa ngunjungin k amrik k tmpt gw. gmn gw ga nangis dgrnya omg. trs pas sm tante gw jg sedih, soalnya dy yg masi sesenggukan gt. i can hardly dgr dy ngomong ap. dy bilang tar d rumah sepi ga ad yg nungguin lagi. emg sih dgn ketidak adannya yangkung, pasti rmh cawang jd lebih sepi. ga ad yg ngurusin tanemannya lg. ga ad yg sibuk ngurusin amwaynya juga.
gw sampe detik ini masi rada ga percaya kalo dy dah ga ad d dunia ini. gw inget dulu pas jaman2 gw masi sm bepe, gw kan mao k MU cafe buat ntn match ap lupa yg intinya tar gw mo ntn midnite sm bepe tp yg akhirnya malah jadi gatot. gw inget dulu yangkung yg kyk ga kasi gt tp suruh buat balik aj. gw yg kyk maksa2 mohon2 gt k dy tp gw ttp ga kasih. dulu gw sempet sebel sm yangkung gr2 it. tp skrg gw jadi kangen gara2nya.
pas masi kecil, kyk sekitaran SD gt, gw suka d ajak k kondangan sm yangkung yangti kalo lg nginep plus malem minggu gt. pasti suka heboh deh kalo mo k kondangan soalna tunggu2an lah, yangkung belum siap lah, apalah, itulah, heboh pokoknya. giliran pas ud nyampe d tmptnya pasti lgs mencar gr2 nyari makan haha.
kangen gw sm masa2 dulu. pas gw masi kecil blm ngerti ap2. skrg makin gede makin banyak aj tantangan. gw kangen masa-masa dulu as a family qta suka kumpul2 bareng2. makan d luar ato ga makan d cawang. biasanya kalo makan d cawang pasti pesen sate mpe brapa puluh tusuk scr pasti habis sm gw. trus pas kawinannya om ucok, qta seluruh keluarga besar ad tuh d jogja. rame abis tapi gila. suddenly i miss home.
skrg yg ud terjadi ga bs d apa2in lg. yangkung pergi jg buat kebaikan dy drpd dy suffering trs d sini. skrg dy dah damai d sisi Tuhan, ud ga ad beban lg, ud aman. gw bersyukur cuz God has always been with him when he's in his critical moment. thank U so much for Ur blessing n protection over him. thx God for giving him 69 years to live his life. now he's back with U. i just can say pls look after him, we all love him and miss him very much. we will always pray for him. i know even tho physically he's gone, but he still lives in our heart n i believe that. i pray for our big family to be strong n brave for the future. thx for uniting us, pls dont let us be in our sorrow for the whole time. i believe yangkung jg ga mau liat anak2nya sedih trs.
so at the moment as i write this, kayaknya d jak lg pd siap2 buat funeral n sbagainya deh. td gw bbm nyokap n she said that mreka dah d rmh yangkung already. katanya byk tamu yg dtg. iya la ya scr yangkung pensiunannya TNI - AL. behh pasti byk yg dtg ngelayat deh. plus temen2 amwaynya kan byk jd ya makin lagi. gw td nanya nyokap gw balik ga, n dy blg ga usa soalna ud telat juga. gw sedih jg sih ga bs liat yangkung buat yg trkhr kalinya. but nyokap td send pics of him. dy dah d clean up ud d petinya gt pake baju yg kyk jendral ato ap gt. he looks nice there n he smiles in his sleep. must be peaceful i must say. yangkung bakalan d kubur jumat sore kt nyokap. i wish all of our family members the best of luck n to be the bravest when they face this.
i love yangkung. always have, always will. he's a tough guy, but he's super caring. i promise i will make him proud. i need to move on. yangkung must be happy now. he's with God already. God bless him and our family abundantly. i miss home but i should stay. it's been 14 hours since he's away n i already miss him so bad. no matter what he will always be in our heart, in my heart especially. we love you.
(sept 12, 1940 - sept 10, 2009)
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